Crisp-loving football fan to boycott walking in protest of Gary Lineker

In a move the portly gentleman described as his way of sticking it to the “champagne socialist”, a football fan and crisp-lover today announced that he will boycott walking in protest of Gary Lineker. Angrily bemoaning the outspoken political beliefs…

Sky sources killed after falling out of transfer window

In a tragic accident which has provoked sorrow throughout the entire Sky corporation, Sky Sports News today confirmed that hundreds of its sources have died after falling out of the transfer window. The incident, which reportedly occurred earlier today, saw…

shaw aleppo

Jose Mourinho to send Luke Shaw to North Korea for latest kit launch

Following an injury-plagued 2016/17 season, Manchester United left-back Luke Shaw is due to be sent to North Korea by manager Jose Mourinho for the launch of next season’s home jersey. The trip, which will publicise the club’s new kit, aims…