In a decision that many have heralded as “long overdue”, the Football Association has today ruled that only black footballers may be referred to as “beasts” or a “beast”.
The FA decided on the term, announcing that it would be used for all black players regardless of position, physical size or skill, while adding the proviso that any instances of its use when referring to non-black players would result in heavy fines or bans.
The ruling was widely welcomed by uninspired journalists and fans around the British Isles.
“Finally an FA ruling we can get behind. It’s simply common sense and we’re all delighted with it. What else are we going to call talented black players? Graceful? Skilful? Hardly,” said one unnamed London-based journalist. “It just sounds right:”
“Look at Ade Akinfenwa, his nickname is The Beast, and it suits him. It’s a good thing. The banning of its use elsewhere is simply to avoid confusion.”
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