Mike Ashley has ordered all Newcastle United first team players to change their names to Sports Direct sale items for Sunday’s derby match with Sunderland.
Ashley is said to be aware of the potential exposure for his struggling brand during this crucial tie and has refused to take no for an answer from the players, insisting they honour a rarely mentioned clause in their contracts, believed to be written in near-invisible chip pan oil rather than ink.
“The players have agreed to this stipulation after being informed of its full legality, so we’ll be watching Nike Turquoise Hoodie with Zip in midfield instead of Jack Colback, as well as Karrimor Windbreaker in Grey or Black in goal instead of Tim Krul,” said director Lee Charnley, adding that the club were expecting a strong display from the team.
“This is a huge match and we fully expect the lads to turn up. Wilson Socks in White with Black Trim and Adidas Samba are good players and we think they’ll provide the goods,” he added, referring to Georginio Wijnaldum and Ayoze Perez.
At press time, Charnlet revealed that the club were wholly confident ahead of the match and fully expected to meet sales targets on the company’s website.
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