Amid speculation that he may be on his way out of the quickly imploding club after defeat to Leicester City, Newcastle owner Mike Ashley has released a statement publicly backing caretaker John Carver to continue the club’s historic losing streak.
The local has come under increased pressure following his accusation that defender Mike Williamson purposely got himself sent off at the King Power Stadium, with many suggesting his position was even more untenable than usual. But his boss and overlord Ashley was having none of it. “Many will say that I should sack John,” said the Londoner. “But he’s on the verge of breaking a near 40 year club record and I for one believe he has what it takes to make history here.”
Despite a poor season in terms of results on the field, Ashley has enjoyed a particularly stellar one financially off it. This was reflected in his statement. “This club is about more than results,” he spouted through chicken greased lips. “It’s about profits, and sales, and stripping institutions of every last piece of dignity it once had. And I feel that’s all a lot more possible with someone as cheap and spineless as John at the helm.”
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