Four reasons Manchester United should go all out to sign Kane

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There have been lots of rumours going around lately about Manchester United’s transfer targets. Most recently, they were linked with a double eagle like swoop for Gareth Bale and Kane. No one needs to be told why they should sign Bale, it’s like telling someone why they shouldn’t chew tin-foil even though it’s fun.

So, instead, here are four reasons Manchester United should go all out to sign Kane.

1 – HE’S SEVEN FOOT TALL

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At 7 foot tall and weighing in at 323 pounds, Kane would be the physically imposing figure that United crave up top. Too often this season they’ve seen Falcao and Robin van Persie muscled off the ball by men with more muscles. With Kane in the final third, there’s very little chance people would even step to within twenty feet of him.

2 – HE SURVIVED A FIRE AS A CHILD

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Not many people would be able to survive being caught in a devastating fire, even less would be able to reach the top of their profession afterwards, despite horrific burns. Kane’s ability to overcome would be an invaluable quality in a Manchester United side crying out for leaders. And his horrific facial injuries would mean he would have no qualms sticking his head where it may hurt. Also, he’s seven foot tall.

3 – HE RECONNECTED WITH THE BROTHER WHO BURNED HIM AND HIS FAMILY

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The Undertaker was the one who started that fire. He was the one who burned Kane and he was the one who killed the rest of their family, before swanning off to live a life of tormented luxury as the most terrifying man of the 1990s. Most people would have poured scorn on the idea of making up with someone who’d committed such deeds. Not Kane though. Though they were foes for quite some time, and even after they reconnected Kane often changed his mind. However, even considering taking his brother back into his life shows the sort of humanity any football team could do with. Kane is also seven foot tall in height.

4 – HE’S A PROVEN WORLD CHAMPION

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One of the accusations levelled at this United team recently is that they don’t have that killer instinct, that they’ve not won anything together. In Kane they have a man who has worked well as part of many teams (with X-Pac, his brother and others) but more to the point, done it on the biggest stage. He’s a proven winner, who isn’t afraid of being in the limelight. Is taller than the average male at seven foot tall.

Kane, who stands at over 2 metres in height, is a truly tall man. If you were to cut him in half you would have roughly two Mathieu Valbuenas, or two half Kanes. He’s tough, he’s compassionate, he’s a survivor and he’s seven foot tall.

Come on Manchester United. Sign this enormous man up.

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