Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse for that Toronto FC fan

This Toronto fan is set to have all of his skin removed.

The man at the centre of the FHRITP video from a recent Toronto FC game has seen his sad life get a hell of a lot worse. Days after the incident came to worldwide attention the man, named Shawn Simoes, was told by his employers Hydro One that he no longer had a job with them.

Things have gone from bad to worse for Mr. Simoes in the last 24 hours as he is set to have all his skin removed as punishment for his brutish behaviour. Toronto police department confirmed to us in a short interview last night. “We’re going to remove all of his skin,” said the spokesperson. “We hope taking this measure will prevent him and others from doing this sort of thing in future.”

The controversial process of skin removal has been quietly soaring in popularity among American police departments in recent years, especially for cases involving public harassment or indecency. “By removing all of someone’s skin you’re really showing them that this sort of behaviour isn’t correct,” said New York mayor Bill de Blasio in a recent interview. “Skin isn’t a right, it’s a privilege.”

When we contacted Mr. Simoes regarding this he was refreshingly up front. “Oh I totally regret it,” said the unemployed, soon to be skinless man. “It was funny at the time, but having your skin removed is one of the worst things that can happen to someone. I probably wouldn’t do it again.”

Mr. Simoes also revealed that his mother had in fact died laughing while watching his performance on television.

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