Sky Sports turns attention to pretending cricket is good as Premier League season ends

“WELCOME TO CRICKET,” say the presenters as the programme begins. (Photo: Sky Sports)

Sky Sports will turn its attention to making viewers think that cricket is a good sport now that the Premier League season is over, The Banter Narrative’s sources have told us.

The Premier League – Sky’s biggest earner – is all finished up until August and the annual void for replacement excitement is gaping. This year, Sky will once again go all out – with flash advertising and superstar pundits – to convince its viewership that the game played with a much smaller ball than football is also quite good, our sources confirmed to us today.

“Obviously, cricket is awful,” said our source. “But we want to convince people that it’s not. We essentially do it in the same manner we managed to convince people this Premier League season was a good one – lots of angles and ads and noise.”

Other tactics being considered are having commentators say things like “Wow, this truly is cricket,” and “LET THE CRICKET FLOW!” as well as heavily pushing the phrase “If that cricket ball were a little bigger it would be the same size as a football” so as to grab the hearts and minds of Sky’s football loving watchers.

The source said that the similarities between the two sports – both have a spherical ball and are played by human men – was an advantage in terms of attracting new viewers. Though, he did admit that the broadcaster can’t wait for August to come around.

“Football is really the only good sport – as well as darts and wrestling – so trying to sell anything else is more trouble than its worth,” said the source. “When the sport’s most likeable person is an egotistical South African Englishman who can’t get in the team despite being better than everyone else, you’ve got some problems.”

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