Blatter to extend term length to 500 years after re-election as FIFA president

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Sepp Blatter’s first act upon re-election will be to change the FIFA presidential term length from 4 to 500 years, a source within football’s governing body has confirmed to us today.

Unhappy with having to bribe the same people “every fucking four years” Blatter will instigate the changes so that this new term will most likely be his last.

Blatter – re-elected as FIFA president today for the fifth time – has been at the helm of sport’s most clean cut and transparent organisation since 1998 and is believed to have spent upwards of $100 million on bribes in his efforts to get re-elected.

According to our sources, Blatter feels that money would be better spent on “things that matter, such as steaks, hotels, chalets and slaves”.

The Swiss national is also said to be considering applying for religion status for the non-profit organisation, so as to avoid paying any tax whatsoever.

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