Steve McClaren has expressed his admiration and astonishment at the pure evil of Newcastle owner Mike Ashley’s after being unveiled as manager of the Tyneside club.
McClaren, who beat off competition from Manchester City under 21 coach Patrick Vieira for the job, said he’d heard tales of the club’s owner’s ways but never fully appreciated it until now. “He’s truly a dark souled beast,” said the former Derby County manager. “He looks right through people, with a black eyed stare that would freeze the heart of a demon.”
He added that the complexity of his new boss’ evil was what truly shook him to his core. “He’s cut from the cloth as monsters of lore. He didn’t even plan on adding me to the board of directors until someone joked at how mad people would get about it.”
He stressed however that he didn’t expect it to get in the way of his management. “Not at all, the ways in which pure evil works and the management of a football team are separate. Of course, should he need a soul to harvest, I’ll be more than willing to offer up one of my human vessels as a sacrifice.”
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