Local man returns home from work to discover entire family sold by Jorge Mendes

Local man Matthew Pittance was said to be shocked and a little impressed yesterday when he returned home from work to discover his entire family had been sold to a third party by football agent Jorge Mendes.

Pittance stated that he assumed his family were out shopping before noticing an invoice Mendes had left behind on the kitchen table.

The third party, unnamed as of yet, are said to have paid €86 million for the remaining members of the Pittance family, something which shocked the 37 year old project manager.

“I’m not saying they’re not worth it,” said Pittance. “My wife’s a really talented architect and extremely fiscally responsible, but my kids – Jimmy (1) and Glenn (2) – just sort of sit there. He’s done well to get that much for them.”

While surprised, Pittance admitted it wasn’t a complete shock. “I’d seen Mendes in the neighbourhood recently, which at first totally perplexed me. But I’d heard rumours that something was afoot, so it obviously all adds up now.”

Despite the fact that he may never see his loved ones again Pittance couldn’t hide his begrudging admiration for Mendes. “He really is involved in every deal. You can’t help but respect the guy.”

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