Thierry Henry approaching sentience, say scientists

Scientists have tentatively stated that Henry is beginning to form independent thought. (Photo: AskMen)

Scientists have tentatively stated that Henry is beginning to form independent thought. (Photo: AskMen)

Sky Sports pundit and former footballer footballer Thierry Henry is said to be on the verge of developing sentience, according to sources at the Babraham Institute.

Worried Sky Sports executives referred Henry to the research facility for neurological tests in May after what they considered to be a below par debut season as their lead pundit.

“We were worried to be honest,” admitted one Sky executive. “He just sat there for months. 99% of what the audience heard was a voice actor speaking into a microphone after we put peanut butter into Thierry’s mouth.”

But the results from the Babraham Institute will encourage Sky bosses, who allegedly signed the former Arsenal man to a £6 million per year contract under the strict proviso that “he would talk”.

“There’s certainly some form of independent thought going on there – it’s almost like he’s human,” said Professor Pete Fleet, a research fellow at the Cambridge facility. “We’re not quite sure yet if he understands what he’s saying but he’s talking. He’s even spoken recently about Raheem Sterling and Mesut Ozil. Admittedly, it was gibberish, but it’s progress.”

Professor Fleet did however have some words of warning for Sky executives considering to rush the World Cup winner back into the studio. “I wouldn’t put the peanut butter on ice just yet,” he added. “Sentience is as much a curse as a gift, what the subject needs most is patience.”

At press time, scientists are said to be attempting to teach Henry the art of forming opinions.

Share and follow The Banter Narrative on Twitter.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.