Hundreds of Manchester United fans worldwide are said to have spontaneously combusted upon hearing the news that Real Madrid defender Sergio Ramos wants to join the club, sources around the world have confirmed in recent minutes.
Ramos has been linked with the Premier League club for a number of weeks now, with Guardian journalist Sid Lowe reporting tonight that he has told Real Madrid’s hierarchy that he wants to join Manchester United and only Manchester United.
The news was greeted with joy around the world as United supporters took to social media to express their delight. The joy was too much for some however as reports have emerged that hundreds and perhaps thousands of Red Devils fans spontaneously combusted upon hearing the news.
“He just burned and burned and burned,” said one fan of his father. “He was so happy.”
At press time, at least four hundred United fans around the world have been reported to have spontaneously combusted with what authorities are calling the “largest widespread spontaneous combustion epidemic ever seen, obviously” around the world.
Manager Louis van Gaal responded to the news of the fans’ collective demise. “We have the best fans in the world, truly.”
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