Increasingly confident Ed Woodward weighing up audacious bid to sign the moon


“He feels it would be a statement of intent to the rest of world football – that Man Utd are back and now they own the moon.”

Manchester United executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward is said to be weighing up an audacious and bizarre bid for the 10,000 kilometre earthly satellite known as the moon, according to sources close to the club.

After receiving torrents of abuse last summer over Manchester United’s public and failed transfer policy, Woodward has turned the tables this year, as he seeks to secure all of the club’s preferred targets.

According to sources at the club however, this success has somewhat gone to Woodward’s head, which has led to this seemingly infeasible move for the 4.5 billion year old lunar delight.

“Ed is walking on air right now,” said a source within Old Trafford. “He kept mentioning if he signed all of the gaffer’s targets he’d go for the moon, but we all thought he was joking. We get he’s confident and doing well but it doesn’t make sense.”

Woodward is said to be drawn to the moon’s nightly glow and feels that its manipulation of tides may give United greater control in matches.

“He’s described in detail the many positives to any potential deal for the moon,” added the source. “Above all else, he believes the signing would be a real statement of intent to the rest of world football – that Manchester United are back and now they own the moon.”

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