Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo has been rushed to hospital with what doctors are calling “critically low levels” of public attention.
According to sources at the club, the Portugal captain fell ill overnight, suffering from hot flushes, shortness of breath, the need for someone to photograph him and faintness.
He was rushed to a local hospital yesterday and kept overnight while doctors took blood and urine samples.
“We initially thought his blood sugar might be low,” said Dr. Phil Crat. “But he kept saying ‘You know me, right?’ and we knew something wasn’t right.”
The doctor revealed that the summer so far, as well as the end of last season, has taken its toll on the forward.
“The last while has all been a shock to his system. Add in the recent focus on Messi this summer and you’ve got yourself a superstar much deprived of attention. Which, frankly, is just dangerous.”
Doctor Crat confirmed that the transfer speculation regarding other players at Madrid had also contributed to Ronaldo’s attention levels being severely depleted.
Despite the grim diagnosis, Crat expects Ronaldo to make a full recovery. Though he did add that the world must work together to bring him back to full health.
“What this man needs now more than anything is your attention. Look at him, write about him, set up a campaign regarding his hypothetical return to Manchester United. Anything, just do it. I shudder to think what might happen otherwise.”