Standing 750 foot tall, weighing twenty tonnes and with scaly, lime green skin, NASA scientists today revealed they had discovered the only known footballer in the universe not to have been linked with Manchester United this summer while scanning for signs of life on the recently discovered Kepler 425b.
“He’s a big one and quite a talent,” said Dr. Mark John of the red eyed, razor nailed behemoth from the planet located in what is known as the habitable zone.
John revealed that the three thousand year old intergalactic footballer was one of a kind, and that he couldn’t understand why he hadn’t yet been linked with a move to Louis van Gaal’s side.
“Look, I know they’ve recruited well, but how can one turn up the opportunity to sign an immortal being from deep space?” he asked the room of assembled journalists.
“With the lava that flows through his granite veins and his ability to eliminate entire countries with a squint of his enormous eyes, he’d go a long way to ensuring United run Chelsea close this year,” added Dr. John’s colleague Professor Marian Williams.
Van Gaal’s team have consolidated their midfield options through the signings of Morgan Schneiderlin and Bastian Schweinsteiger so far, but are yet to recruit a new striker, centre back or a world destroying giant from light years away.
Though United have yet to register an interest in the terrifying beast from the beyond, sources have intimated that they have recently expressed a desire to extend their scouting network beyond the asteroid belt.
Share and follow The Banter Narrative on Twitter.