Gunnersaurus announces candidacy for Republican Party presidential nomination after recent surge in polls

Gunnersaurus

Arsenal’s mascot Gunnersaurus has stunned the political establishment of the United States of America today by announcing his candidacy for the Republican Party presidential nomination after surging ahead in polls in recent days.

The ten foot creature stated today that he originally had no intention of running for office, but that recent poll results, which have seen him on average 30% ahead of all other legitimate candidates, changed his mind on the matter.

“I didn’t see this coming, I’m just a simple green tyrannosaurus,” said the green tyrannosaurus. “But when you see those numbers you can’t just ignore the people. I feel I have a very strong platform, and huge, razor sharp teeth.”

The large theropod, whose main residence is in north London, confirmed that his campaign headquarters would be situated in the middle of Big Bend National Park in his home state of Texas, where nearly all of his ancestors resided at one stage.

Gunnersaurus, speaking to a screaming thousands-strong crowd of American Arsenal fans and devout right wing Christians, said that his campaign would be about the four things he loves, “God, America, flesh and apple pie.”

“I’m strongly anti-abortion too,” added the cap wearing bipedal carnivore, before launching into a ten minute tirade against illegal immigration.

“We must also address one of the major problems facing our great country – the lack of small edible dinosaurs readily available. This is a national disgrace. Over in France, you sure as hell know they’ve got plenty of them, it’s a vital principle of a free country. And I want to eat them.”

“Nor can we ignore the lack of juicy animal carcasses on every street corner, but Mr. Obama sure won’t take care of it,” said the candidate on an issue that has polarised opinion in American politics for decades.

“I will ensure flesh for all,” bellowed the enormous beast before beheading several of the assembled crowd.

Political analysts remain baffled by the upstart, but predict that his name will make him popular with America’s gun enthusiasts and lobbyists.

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer stated his belief that the 65 million year old candidate’s position with the Arsenal voter base makes him a strong favourite, though he did admit that his campaign slogan “More Flesh, Less Government” may alienate certain demographics.

Share and follow The Banter Narrative on Twitter.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.