Sky Sports News reports 75% reduction in productivity as Football Manager data is unveiled


Sky Sports News producers stated that they were stumped to see what the company estimates to be a 75% reduction in workplace productivity on the day the sports channel introduced their use of Football Manager data.

The popular football management simulator has been used by football clubs’ scouting network for a number of years, but Sky Sports News is the first television channel to utilise its vast database of footballing knowledge.

However, despite delight at Sky Sports HQ regarding the success of the launch, bosses were perplexed to see that productivity at the station was at an all-time low.

“We’re really happy with the launch of the FM data,” said producer Glynn Pritchard. “Football Manager has been doing football statistics and are the best in the world. We’re the best at football stuff so it’s a good match.”

Pritchard also expressed confusion at the sudden drop in productivity, as well as the 68% increase in opened cans of Red Bull and crisp packets around the office, but stopped short of getting carried away. “It is pretty strange. All the folks in the office were super excited about the launch of the FM stats, like really pumped, so to see such a sudden drop in work is peculiar.”

“At first I thought it was low morale but they all look really focussed, most of them wouldn’t even answer my calls earlier. They’re probably just in the middle of a big assignment I’m unaware of,” added Pritchard.

At press time Pritchard was said to be enthused to see that the station’s office workers had decided to pull down the blinds and work late into the evening, even ordering pizza to presumably make up for the work they’d missed out on.

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