Return of Premier League gives local man something good to half watch while doing nothing on his phone


Local man Ben Oats has expressed his excitement at the return of Premier League football, saying he “can’t wait” to finally have something decent to half watch out of the corner of his eye while doing nothing in particular on his phone.

Oats stated he has been lost without the best league in the world since its break in May and even had to resort to half watching other non-football sports while looking at his phone this summer, as well as catching a blurry peripheral glimpse of the news on occasion.


“It’s going to be great,” said the 23-year-old social media expert. “During the summer months it’s hard to find anything even half decent to zone in and out of.”

Oats, an Aston Villa fan, added that he always gets nostalgic when thinking about moments from years gone by as the new season approaches, and that this season’s no different.

“I remember when Gabby Agbonlahor scored the winner for us at Old Trafford a few years ago. The speed with which his blurry and obscured body dispatched that goal is something that will stay with me forever.”

“I’m a huge football fan, so with the Premier League back it’s nice to know that when I do cast my eye away from the screen of my phone, there’s something good to look at.”

At press time Oats revealed that it’s the roar of the crowd, as well as the barely visual moving colours, that make the Premier League the best league to half watch while doing nothing in particular on your smartphone.

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