Jose Mourinho blames “unfair” gravitational influence of “lousy moon” for Courtois red card

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Jose Mourinho has blasted the gravitational influence of the moon for the sending off of his goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois this evening against Swansea.

In a stunning attack while speaking to assembled journalists after Chelsea’s 2-2 draw with the Welsh side, Mourinho said he expects little better from what he calls “a poor man’s planet”.

“It was ridiculous,” said the Portuguese manager. “Were it not for that large mound of cheese up in the sky my goalkeeper would still have been on the pitch, and the outcome would’ve been very different.”

It is not the first time that Mourinho has singled out the earth’s satellite for criticism, claiming last year that it had an undue influence on nearly every match his side played.

“The way this referee goes on, you can tell he’s under the thumb of this so called ‘moon’,” added the former Real Madrid manager. “It’s like he recognises no other authority. He’s a yes man, and nothing more.”

“It disgusts me to see our games being taken out of the hands of players and managers and being decided by a cruel act from this enormous lump of rock.”

He finished the press conference by telling journalists he likes his referees to have a bit more free will and confidence when it comes to laws of physics.

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