Debt ridden Italian side Parma have put the club’s memories up for auction in a desperate bid to prevent themselves from going out of existence.
The memories up for sale include the club’s UEFA Cup triumphs and Coppa Italia wins, as well as their Cup Winners’ Cup victory and some Italian Super Cup wins.
The unusual fundraising measure is a last resort after the club exhausted all other avenues, say administrators.
“Ideally, we wouldn’t be doing this. We want to keep all of our memories, but this is a business and we must look to the future,” stated Angelo Anedda. “Though it will undoubtedly be sad that the players will immediately lose their memory of the event, the lucky buyer will get to own them and be the only living being on earth who knows that they even occurred.”
The news has been greeted with anger by already upset supporters who have watched their club being mismanaged for years. One fan was particularly unhappy with the concept of his fully formed memories vanishing in a split second.
“I don’t like it. It’s ungodly and unnatural. The only entities I want coming into my ear holes and taking my life’s memories are ghosts or perhaps earwigs if I were to die in the wilderness,” said Paolo Falco.
Another fan who didn’t want to be named wouldn’t even entertain the idea, saying, “This is stupid and doesn’t make sense. Stop.”
With debts totalling €200 million, the club were put up for sale in April but were relegated to Serie D – where they will play under the moniker Parma Calcio 1913 – after a buyer was unable to be found.
The desperate measure comes just hours after it was revealed that the former Serie A winners were selling their league and UEFA Cup trophies in an attempt to keep afloat.
Though as The Guardian has alluded to, the club may need dispensation from UEFA to do permit the sale.
Administrators have stated that they’d seriously consider buying the memories back at a wildly inflated price once the club had returned to Serie A.
Share and follow The Banter Narrative on Twitter.