Premier League to fully roll out “make it up as you go along” offside rule

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The Premier League has announced today that it will fully roll out its new “make it up as you go along” offside rule after a successful trial period during the first two rounds of league fixtures.

The rule had been proposed during the summer and Premier League and refereeing officials were said to be delighted with the impact of the rule which they refer to as “MIUAYGA”, pronounced “MOI-AY-GA”.

Despite criticism for the referee in question and the Premier League, the organisation was quick to defend its employee and the rules.

“The whole point of MIUAYGA is that we just wing it,” said referees’ chief Keith Hackett. “For a long time we’ve pretended that we know what the rule is, which is easy when you’re the ones who makes the rules. But we figured we’d have a bit of fun with it. It’s application has been by the book.”

According to the MIUAYGA guidelines, referees have been urged to “do what feels good” and “not think too much about it”, citing that “it will all be over pretty soon anyway”.

Hackett hopes that the measure will take pressure off referees. If a referee doesn’t feel like making a decision, “then that’s cool too” according to the official handbook.

“If no one knows the rules then no one is really in a position to criticise,” added Hackett. “This will hopefully stem the flow of smart arses around the world thinking they know better.”

“The referee, under the fantastic new measures, makes up the rules. By its very nature the decision can’t be wrong,” he added.

Hackett stated that both the Premier League and the referees’ union were confident of a 100% rise in correct decisions under the new guidelines.