Inspired by the behaviour of Germany’s football clubs, Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore has called upon England’s top clubs to use the deepening refugee crisis across Europe to show the general public how little they care about them, once and for all.
Saying that rarely does one get such an open opportunity to show their true colours, Scudamore stated that it falls upon each and every one of the Premier League’s top teams to finally put to bed the question of whether they are willing to help people, by categorically refusing to do so.
“For a long time people have questioned the motives of football teams,” said Scudamore in a press conference this morning. “I for one hope that our response to this humanitarian disaster will finally dispel any question marks over who we, as an organisation, are looking out for.”
He stated that upon seeing the gesture from German giants Bayern Munich he knew he had to act quickly to assure people that the Premier League would not be doing anything similar.
“Let there be no doubt,” he added. “This has nothing to do with us, and we don’t care. We barely care about our local communities, why would we do anything for these people?”
Scudamore stated that he felt obliged to speak out about the issue after seeing the harrowing images of a young Turkish child drowned on a Greek beach this past week.
“When I saw that poor boy on the beach, I saw English football in the early 1990s – lost, alone, abandoned by Europe. Nobody helped us, we did it ourselves. I recommend these migrants find something they’re good at and stop asking for handouts,” said Scudamore, who is paid £2.5 million per year after bonuses.
At press time, Scudamore stated that Premier League clubs have a responsibility to shareholders and no one else, before emotionally describing in detail the harrowing stories of the Premier League’s many foreign owners and their difficult journeys to achieve success in England.
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