Claiming that he feels he may have already used his best material for the season so far, Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho has expressed concern that he may have run out of things to blame for his side’s defeats ahead of the crucial clash with Arsenal today.
Already this season Mourinho’s side have lost three league games, which the manager says might well have left him ill-prepared for further losses after his blaming of the club’s computers, the influence of the moon’s gravity and his abuse of the club’s doctor Eva Carneiro.
Speaking ahead of his side’s match up with Arsenal this afternoon, Mourinho was worried but optimistic. “Perhaps, I can use this?” said the coach, picking up and pointing at a club merchandised hat before cursing to himself and putting it away. “God, why the fuck did I use the doctor thing so early in the season?!”
Mourinho wandered aimlessly around his clubs press area according to sources, looking at items that he could use to blame for a potential defeat to Arsene Wenger’s men.
“This! I think I’m gonna go with this,” added the former Madrid coach, frantically waving a copy of 1994 thriller The Client, starring Tommy Lee Jones and Susan Sarandon, which he considered overtly long and a disappointingly poor adaptation of the book.
At press time Mourinho was wondering why he was so nervous in the lead up to the game, before realising that he’d mistakenly used mind games on himself all week.
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