Arsene Wenger reiterates his undying commitment to comedy


Saying that he will never, ever give up in his lifelong pursuit, Arsene Wenger today reiterated his undying commitment to comedy.

Amid bubbling discontent among supporters over a variety of issues, Wenger remained adamant last night that he is committed to the comedy that inevitably comes with every one of the club’s seasons.

“I’m the man for the job and I remain committed to providing the fans with several more years of baffling, ridiculous and yes, even hilarious moments,” said the Frenchman, adding that while they don’t yet realise it, fans would miss the unpredictable quality that has crept into his management style when he’s gone.

Wenger continued, stating he has never doubted his ability to bring the fans to tears of exasperation.

“I have every confidence in myself. Whether it’s not playing our record signing or dropping our best players out of the blue, I believe that for this club to maximise its comedy potential on the largest stage we must stick together. It’s the only way.

“These players look up to me, I know that I’m the man they want to see on the touchline when they decide out of the blue that they no longer feel like playing the match they’re taking part in,” said the former Monaco coach. “That will never change.”

Wenger stated that when he looks up at the fans in the stadium, with a mix of tedium and despair etched upon their tortured faces, he knows he is where he belongs.