Premier League better in tests than real life conditions, data shows

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Premier League officials have been forced to apologise to fans and investors after it was revealed that the league’s quality is higher in tests than in actual real life conditions.

A study released today, entitled Sporting Reality, analysed Premier League performances over the last five years in theoretical tests and circumstances compared to real life Premier League performances over the same period, discovering huge discrepancies on the league’s part in the process.

“We can do nothing but apologise and promise that we will get to the bottom of this at this point,” read a statement from chief executive Richard Scudamore this afternoon. “We had always assumed hypothetical representations of output were accurate but, clearly, that isn’t the case.”

The study, conducted by a group of independent international performance examiners, found that on average the Premier League performed to about 52% of its believed quality level when subjected to conditions outside of testing.

Prompted initially by the repeated poor performance of English teams in Europe, the study’s chief Dr. Wilf Cream said that the results are worrying.

“People will feel like they were lied to and they have every right to feel that way,” he told the Associated Press today. “These people across the world have been sold a product under false pretences. It’s despicable.”

Amid calls for Scudamore to resign, the Premier League has granted permission to researchers to conduct tests on its highest profile players to determine whether they too had the reputed quality of their performances tampered with.

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