Football fan capable of judging players, teams without ever seeing them play


Describing it as “both a gift and a curse”, local football fan Raymond Kinnock has revealed today that he is able to judge any team or footballer in the world without having watched them play once.

While normal people may need to watch a player or team up to ten times to get an accurate idea of their talent, 23-year-old Kinnock is capable of establishing their quality with the blink of an eye, having never watched them take to the field.

“It’s something I was born with,” said the fish salesman. “While my friends would be reading magazines and discussing which players would be good and which wouldn’t, I was simply able to say ‘No, that guy’s awful’ and that was it.”

Kinnock revealed that though he has carefully honed his talents over the years, the Dutch, French and Portuguese leagues remain easiest to judge without watching, saying he “doesn’t even have to know the names of the teams or players in question because they’re all shit”.

Friends of Kinnock remain bewildered by their friend, despite witnessing his gift for over a decade. “It’s remarkable, it really is,” said fellow fish salesman Pat Bree. “I wish I could do it, but sadly I have to watch and properly evaluate a player and team before putting my heart into a judgement. He is truly amazing.”

Rather than exploit his amazing gift for monetary gain by way of a career in punditry or scouting, Kinnock has instead chosen to pass on his knowledge free of charge via Twitter and in the comments sections of articles.

“By doing this, maybe one day everyone will be able to make snap a judgement about football without facts or knowledge.”