Saying that it’s easier to get this sort of business done while the goodwill is still fresh, the Heavenly Father, God, has this morning called in the Irish nation’s debt after the country’s stunning victory over Germany at the Aviva Stadium.
Thanks to Shane Long’s 70th minute strike, Ireland came away with a memorable victory which reignited their Euro 2016 qualification hopes, though the country’s jubilation may dampen slightly this morning.
“I’d like to get it done quickly and without fuss,” He said this morning. “Some Irish fans made some pretty big promises to me last night, so I’d be remiss to not take advantage.”
A large number of prayers, sources in heaven confirmed, related to the last twenty minutes of the game, with an estimated 1.2 million Irish contacting the Saviour at the same time, allegedly with promises to attend church and pay their water charges.
“We saw a real spike in prayer activity from Ireland and its emigrants last night,” said a spokesperson. “We haven’t seen that surge in Irish prayer activity since 2012. We just hope they pay their debts this time.”
God’s decision to retrieve the debt so soon may have been due to the Irish nation’s utter refusal to pay their 2012 debt after what they called a “dereliction of duty” from Our Father after the country’s performances in Euro 2012.
“I left it too long last time. Hopefully the inevitable hangovers will make collection easier this year,” said God. “As long as they don’t make things difficult we should be alright.”
God revealed that once he’s done in the Republic, he’d be making his way up to Northern Ireland, where he expects to collect about 18 months worth of prayers.
“It’s a good day,” admitted the Most High.
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