Jim White hospitalised with “dangerously” inflated sense of self worth


With what doctors have called the “worst case of its kind” they’d ever witnessed, Sky Sports News presenter Jim White is reportedly in intensive care in a London hospital suffering from a “dangerously inflated” sense of self worth.

White is said to have fallen ill on Tuesday afternoon as he prepared to go on air. A witness confirmed that the presenter reportedly turned purple and began clutching his face while watching old tapes of himself and giving regular thumbs ups and winks.

“It was crazy. One minute he’s kissing his ties, giving me a minute by minute account of old broadcasts, commenting on how handsome he was and remains, and next minute he can barely breath,” said a show runner.

Doctors have stated that while they expect White to make a full recovery, they will recommend he reduce what they describe as “unsustainable levels” of self worth.

“While everyone needs a certain amount, this patient’s levels are close to 1,000 times what we’d consider representative amounts, especially given his achievements,” said White’s doctor, adding that they were particularly worried by White seemingly turning the same shade of yellow as his tie.

“If he wants to continue living, he’s going to have to come to terms with the fact that his impact on football is nearly immeasurable in its minuteness,” warned a specialist.

At press time, a now conscious White’s condition was said to be worsening as he described in detail to fellow patients how he had “singlehandedly brought the yellow tie back into fashion”.