5 things we learned about your father’s past from this weekend’s football

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It was a truly momentous weekend of football. One in which we gleaned many new pieces of knowledge. Here are five things we learned about your father’s past from this weekend’s football.

1 – Don’t mention Vienna
He knows. And for a long time that was okay. But something happened this weekend that tore open that weeping sore once again. Your father would rather not speak about what occurred during that long weekend and that’s okay.

2 – He’ll never love your mother as much as he loved Cynthia
Whether it was her auburn hair, her steely blue eyes or the red hot fire that burned deep within her, there’s something about Cynthia that remains with your papa to this day. Your mother, Frances, can try but she will never come close.

3 – The mines were no friend of his
Bluntly, your father cared little for the mines which provided so much employment for so many and quite frankly, he was happy to see Maggie Thatcher enter office.

4 – Don’t ever say the name “Meredith”
Whether it’s yet another one of your father’s ex-lovers, a sickly aunt or perhaps even a late sister, you now know to never mention that name again. Your daddy rarely loses his temper but when he does you know to take note.

5 – The Germans are okay
You think he means post-1945. You hope he does. He could mean anything. You’d like to think he’s referring their economic recovery over the last few decades but all roads lead back to Nuremberg. Still. He says they’re okay.

A great weekend of football once again. Hopefully we learn even more next week.