Unprompted, blushing Mourinho denies crush on Wenger


Speaking to media at Chelsea’s training ground today, a profusely blushing and unprompted Jose Mourinho furiously denied he has a crush on Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger.

Asked about his continued use of the term “weak and naive” in reference to comments made by Wenger about referees, a visibly flustered Mourinho immediately responded by insisting that he has no romantic feelings about the Frenchman.

“It’s not because I fancy him, okay?! We’re simply adversaries,” proclaimed the increasingly crimson faced Portuguese coach, adding that no one would be able to find Wenger attractive on account of him being “so tall, skinny and delicate like a flower”, before trailing off and staring into space for close to three minutes.

“And that stupid lovely French accent. What’s that about? As if I want him to whisper lovingly into my ear. Haha, how ridiculous. If anything he fancies me,” said the coach before pausing, appearing to wait for a response.

Having been informed of comments made about him by the Arsenal coach, at press time Mourinho was said to have demanded to know what he said, how he said it and whether he seemed like he was joking or not.

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