FA schedule Heather Rabbatts hearing for February 1692


Describing it as the most suitable time for all concerned, the Football Association has scheduled the hearing into claims of misconduct against board member Heather Rabbatts for February 1692, according to sources.

Rabbatts is being investigated after complaints by two FA Council members, the 82-year-old Ron Barston and 70-year-old Richard Tur, over her support of former Chelsea team doctor Eva Carneiro in her case against the club over her treatment by manager Jose Mourinho.

In a statement released this morning, the FA gave the reasons behind the investigation and confirmed that Rabbatts would receive a fair trial.

“This maiden, being far from fair, is accused of immoral choices and undesirable words. We have found evidence of horoscopes, various ointments and tomes of no doubt devious intent,” read the statement, adding that they would rely on spectral evidence and testimony from the FA’s “diverse and judicious” council of 121 men.

“Be she witch or nay, council will judge upon the wench with clarity of mind, undiluted by her mystical and dangerous hexes,” continued the statement, adding that Rabbatts has nothing to fear, and that God will find her innocent if she so is.

At press time, the FA Council also urged Rabbatts not to use any of her “malicious womanly charms” in an attempt to pervert the course of justice.

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