Louis van Gaal left terrified by ghost story of team playing with creative freedom


Describing it as truly the most blood curdling tale he’d ever heard, Manchester United manager Louis van Gaal was today said to be recovering his nerves having been left terrified by a ghost story of a football team playing with creative freedom.

The Dutch coach, in his second season with the Manchester giants, was said to be rendered “speechless” and “near catatonic” after being told a ghost story of a team of talented footballers playing expressively with free will, unshackled by a stringent tactical system.

“It was awful, truly awful!” said the former Netherlands coach. “There was absolutely no emphasis on possession and the players were allowed to express themselves freely, working on instinct and showcasing their skill without a bit a care rather than focussing on consolidating from the beginning.”

“The free flowing movement, the interchangeable positioning, playing a proper centre forward in his position – it was frightful,” continued van Gaal, adding how the description of their gay abandon while attacking with effervescence at any given moment gave him chills down his spine.

At press time van Gaal had consoled himself back to a state of calm by insisting that a team like that was just make believe and surely such a ridiculous concept couldn’t exist.

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