Jose Mourinho requests more time from Chelsea board to get to bottom of global conspiracy against him

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Jose Mourinho has been granted time by the Chelsea board to finally get to the bottom of the club’s issues by solving who is responsible for the conspiracy against them, sources at Stamford Bridge confirmed today.

Pressure has been growing on Mourinho all season, and was worsened after his side’s 3-1 defeat to Liverpool – their sixth in 11 games – left them 15th in the Premier League table, but the manager has expressed his confidence that he can rectify the situation regarding the deep seeded, global and possibly even governmental level conspiracy against him and his side.

“We’re in a tough moment but I know these players and trust their abilities to sniff out the bastard in our club hell bent on destroying us…” said a tetchy Mourinho, adding that he had scouts out to various locations in London to monitor what was being said about the club.

“Of course, it’s the club’s decision, but I feel that if I’m given time I’m the best man to discover who is behind this dastardly and treacherous scheme.”

At press time, Mourinho revealed that he had called the squad in for an evening session of scouring the training ground for recording devices.

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