Footballers advised to watch each other have sex in person as Valbuena sex tape scandal rages on


Footballers around the world have today been advised to watch each other have sex in person rather than recording said sex act on mobile phones or cameras, as the sex tape blackmail scandal involving French internationals Mathieu Valbuena and Karim Benzema rages on.

Speaking this afternoon, the president of world footballers’ union FIFPro, Philippe Piat warned professional footballers of the dangers of recording and disseminating videos of each taking part in coital activity, and urged his members to do so in person in future.

“What is happening currently between Mathieu and Karim is disappointing, but we hope that it can be a lesson to footballers everywhere. When you want to watch each other have sex, make sure you do it in person and not on any type of technology,” said Piat, adding that the downside of not being able to watch it back later is more than made up for by the raw sexual frisson that can be felt in the air during the act.

“In this modern age it’s very tempting to use technology for everything. But we want to stress the importance of remembering our traditions, and urge all players to join their colleagues in the same room and if the mood strikes them, join in the collective making of love.”

At press time, Piat was said to be in the process of releasing an informative pamphlet for footballers entitled Memories, Not Memory Sticks – How To Watch Your Teammates Have Sex in an attempt to push the message home.

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