Hundreds of Irish football fans suffer alcohol poisoning while imagining Euro 2016


Hundreds of Irish football fans are being treated in hospital today suffering from acute alcohol poisoning after imagining Euro 2016, sources confirmed.

Describing it as a medical emergency the likes of which the country has rarely seen before, medical experts revealed that the number of cases had steadily increased since qualification for next summer’s tournament was sealed, and urged supporters to limit the amount of alcohol they envisage themselves drinking.

“Over the last number of days we’ve had more and more cases of people drifting into daydreams of next summer before suddenly and uncontrollably voiding their stomachs and bowels due to the impact of the proposed amount of drink in their system,” said Health Service Executive spokesperson Michael Schlang, advising people to imagine themselves eating something in between drinks or perhaps even picturing a glass of water.

“People have to be aware of the dangers of imagining themselves drinking that much in one sitting. Often times they’ll imagine themselves drinking seven nights worth of pints and shots in the space of thirty seconds and it’s simply too much for the human body to withstand.”

At press time the HSE revealed that they would soon be releasing guidelines for people to ignore regarding how much actual alcohol to drink next summer.

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