Barcelona demand independence from football

Citing the need to grow and prosper freely as an institution, FC Barcelona have tonight demanded independence from the world of football, according to sources close to the club.

Speaking as the club continued its remarkable start to the season, a spokesperson stated that the team had gone as far as it could while shackled within the confines of the game.

“When you look at the struggles this club have faced over the years and the manner in which we are currently performing, it is unreasonable to expect us to remain part of a sport that often appears little better than amateur,” said Isabella Hernandez, adding that technically it was an insult to members of the club to even consider what they were doing as “merely” football.

“We continue to redefine the way the world imagines beauty yet we remain categorised alongside ghastly football teams. Our potential for growth will continue to be held back while people associate us with this at times woefully ugly game.”

At press time the club urged authorities to recognise its plea, stating that continued exposure to the world of football was a matter of human rights and would be damaging not only to the club but to the world at large.