Fan called onto pitch to play by manager restores crowd’s faith in public humiliation 

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Describing it as one of the most inspirational, tragic and hilarious things they’d ever seen, crowd members of a recent friendly match between two English lower league sides confirmed that the sight of a verbally abusive fan being invited onto the pitch to play by the manager had restored their faith in public humiliation.

According to sources at the scene, loudmouth fan Dominic McGuinness spent the first half of the game and beginning of the second verbally abusing his side’s manager.

Refusing to stand there and take it, witnesses confirmed the coach turned to McGuinness, saying: “Think you can do better?” A shocked McGuinness looked around and, buoyed by the crowd, hopped over advertising hoardings before togging out in the dugout to the roar of the crowd.

Shaking the hand of the man he had just minutes before been admonishing, McGuinness took to the field in the 55th minute, stunning the crowd with a performance so abysmal that many were left in awe.

“You hear about this sort of thing happening in films and on TV but to get to witness it in person is something I’ll never forget,” said one member of the crowd of the cocksure 37 year old fan who, after arriving on the pitch, touched the ball fewer than five times, missed various tackles, tripped himself up and set up the winning goal for the opposition.

Those sentiments were echoed by a fellow crowd member, who watched the incident through tears of joy. “To see this guy who’s clearly been dreaming about this for so long to come on and fail so publicly and spectacularly is… there are no words.”

After the match McGuinness, fresh from his torment, quit his job with the aim of never showing his face in public again.

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