FIFA corruption charges to be dropped over increasingly bad football puns

All corruption charges against former and current FIFA members are set to be dropped due to the increasingly bad football puns being used by the FBI and American law officials, sources confirmed today.

Several more high profile members of football’s governing body were arrested on December 3 over a litany of offenses, all of which are set to dropped over the continued use of phrases like “World Cup of fraud”.

“While the charges brought against these men are numerous and concrete we have been left in no position but to agree to their release due to our ongoing use of truly awful puns,” admitted Attorney General Loretta Lynch, adding that she and colleagues each felt like “the champions of idiocy” currently.

“From the moment the term ‘World Cup of fraud’ was uttered for the second time we knew our case would soon be at an end.”

At press time, IRS chief Richard Weber apologised for creating the term and said he felt like a “first team dope” for what he had done.

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