Manchester United manager Louis van Gaal has been executed outside of Old Trafford after a bounty was placed upon his head by the prophet Andy Tate.
The Dutchman had been under increasing pressure at the club, and his days appeared numbered after the divine leader Tate issued a notice to his followers to capture the manager “either dead or alive” on Saturday night.
“He is a clown. He is not worthy of this great club. He has sat on his pancake arse for too long and I call on all of you to bring his head to me – Tate!” exclaimed the charismatic oracle to his followers after the sides 2-1 home defeat to Norwich on Saturday, before stepping down from his parapet to kiss the foreheads of a blessed few.
Speaking today, Tate welcomed the news. “Louis van Gaal has been not been earning his keep. The club’s blood is on his hands and now his blood is on mine. I am Tate.”
At press time, Tate was holding counsel with his flock, and several cameras, in front of the former Bayern Munich man’s body.
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