Daniel Sturridge donated to medical science

SturridgeHead

Liverpool have confirmed today that striker Daniel Sturridge has been donated to medical science with immediate effect.

Former Chelsea man Sturridge has struggled for fitness this season, managing just three league starts in a campaign plagued by constant setbacks.

Medical staff at the club’s Melwood training ground today admitted that despite their best efforts, the club had decided to cut its losses with Sturridge and “do the humane thing”.

“Daniel’s a great lad, but he can offer far more to medical science and the world of medicine at large than he could ever offer us in his current condition. We wish him and all his body parts well,” said the club’s head of medical services, Andrew Massey.

Staff at local medical research facility BioMed expressed their delight at the donation, describing it as a potentially momentous occasion.

“We’re delighted. We’ve never seen anyone whose injuries have their own injuries so this is special,” said head researcher Val Limmons, before accidentally smashing the striker into millions of tiny fragments upon first inspection.

At press time, club officials were said to have contacted the facility to inform them to come by and pick up Sturridge’s left thigh, which had been discovered down the back of a closet.