Football executives cry foul over proposed increase to price of cocaine


Premier League executives meet to discuss proposed increases to the price of cocaine in the country.

Football executives around England have today expressed horror at proposed increases to the price of cocaine after and announcement by a group of the country’s top drug dealers yesterday.

Decrying the increases as an insult and highly unnecessary, a spokesman for executives in England’s professional football leagues stated that they felt betrayed by the decision.

“This is a disgrace. To have this done to you, after years of support to the industry, is upsetting,” said spokesman Brent McCulloch, adding that a price that suited all parties been agreed upon months ago. “We’re loyal customers and it’s just a slap in the face.”

“If the quality had improved noticeably in recent years we might find this easier to take, but it’s been a mix of brief highs followed by prolonged disappointment and regret. It’s just not good enough.”

At press time, a spokesperson for some of Liverpool’s top drug dealers stated that given an increase in demand, the new prices were fair and would remain.