Shane Warne bigger prick than ever previously thought, says charity probe

Shane Warne

Shane Warne is a bigger prick than anyone has ever previously thought, according to a a statement by the Victorian government in Australia.

Investigating alleged improprieties in the former Australian cricketer’s charity, the Shane Warde Foundation, officials revealed that tentative results appear to confirm that the 46-year-old is a bigger twat than was considered possible.

“We have gone into this investigation as neutral as possible, while at the same time knowing Mr. Warne was an asshole. These findings however lift the lid on wankery on a level never before seen,” said investigator Brent Klimwich in a statement today.

“Warne has always been a tool, but to donate only 16 percent of money raised while paying his brother more than was donated? I mean, none of us thought he could be that much of a dickhead.”

Speaking in response to the allegations, Warne insisted that while he is certainly a dickhead, he’s not a massive one.