Saying that it is a vital part of his preparation before each game, Lionel Messi was said to be sitting alone in solemn contemplation this afternoon, deciding which Arsenal player to utterly humiliate tonight.
Separating himself from his teammates, staff reported seeing the forward sitting in a corner of the away dressing room, weighing up which of his opponents he should make look like a small child.
“This is a tough one. I could try and mortify their right back, but then again it’d be really nice to make the centre backs question their entire profession too,” said the 28-year-old, adding that such choices never get any easier.
“I could always wing it but it’s nice to focus on a specific opponent to torment.”
At press time, the Argentine had decided instead to humiliate every member of the Arsenal team.