Sheikh Salman swears on slaves’ lives that FIFA election will be clean


Insisting that transparency is of paramount importance at such a key stage of proceedings, FIFA presidential candidate Sheikh Salman bin Ibrahim Al Khalifa has sworn on his slaves’ lives that the upcoming elections will be clean.

The presidential election for world football’s governing body takes place on February 26 and with the eyes of the world on the tarnished organisation, the Bahrain royal family member stated that he was supremely confident the process would be judicious.

“I understand that people are suspicious, that is normal. But I have such belief in this election that I am willing to sacrifice the existence of my own unpaid workers,” said the 50-year-old, adding that he’d barely been able to look his servants in their scalded faces when he had heard of past FIFA corruption.

“Football is sacred and this body must remain pure. I promise you now, if anything untoward happens on my watch I will not hesitate to cut the hands off each of my slaves. That’s how serious I am about this.”

At press time Salman further pledged his commitment further by revealing that he had already killed quite a few of his slaves at the mere thought of losing the election through dirty tricks.