FIFA executives hail reforms as five new items added to in-house menu

(Photo: Julian Finney/Getty Images)

(Photo: Julian Finney/Getty Images)

Describing it as brave and ground breaking change needed on all levels, FIFA executives today hailed the organisation’s latest reform measures after it was announced that five new items would be added to the in-house menu at its Zurich headquarters.

Emotional Executive Committee members visibly wept and congratulated each other after the midday announcement, with many saying that it was their proudest day as FIFA employees.

“I’m pinching myself. I truly cannot believe it. It just shows what can be done when people put aside all individual motives and work toward the greater good,” said interim president Issa Hayatou, adding that the addition of a Wagyu rib-eye steak alongside the fillet option was “long overdue” in an institution that considers itself modern.

“We’ve pushed for these measures for years and at certain moments it didn’t look likely, but real and meaningful reform takes time. and we finally got there.”

At press time, executives were optimistic that the spirit of goodwill and solidarity would continue as they prepared to vote on whether to increase the annual champagne budget by €1M or €2M.