Richard Keys enjoys “once in a lifetime” opportunity to not be worst man in room

Describing it as a “once in a lifetime opportunity”, Richard Keys today expressed his gratitude at the chance to not be the worst man in the room as he met with former FIFA president Sepp Blatter.

Meeting the disgraced former administrator in Doha, Keys said it was a strange feeling to know, for the first time in his life, that there was someone of less moral fortitude in the room than himself.

“It has been a real experience and one I’ll never forget,” said an increasingly-reddening Keys, adding that the meeting gave him a great sense of perspective and inspiration on how he can become an even worse human as his life goes on.

“I’m one of the best, of that there is no doubt, but perhaps even I can learn from Sepp.”

At press time, Keys was regaling Blatter with multiple tales of how he had gone from strength to strength since leaving Sky Sports, and certainly isn’t in the midst of an existential crisis beyond salvation.