Scientists announce discovery of millions of fresh morons in wake of Adam Johnson trial


One of the newly discovered morons, pictured here in his natural habitat.

Describing it as a wholly unexpected turn of events, scientists at Durham University today announced the discovery of millions of fresh morons in the wake of the much-publicised Adam Johnson trial.

Researchers revealed the discovery of the previously unknown knuckle-dragging Neanderthals was made by chance after they arbitrarily created an algorithm notifying them of the use of the words “strange”, “Adam Johnson”, “unfair”, “she” and “knew”.

“This is incredible. A discovery on this sort of scale is nothing like we expected,” said lead researcher Jim Carp, adding that his team had previously assumed that all current adult morons had been accounted for.

“Once we were notified of the initial rush of clueless weirdos it was rather easy to deduce who else was at their remarkably low level of emotional and intellectual intelligence by merely seeing who agreed with them.”

The research had been made easier, the group revealed, by the morons’ collective belief that what they were saying was not wrong in any way, removing any possibility that they might attempt to delete evidence of their idiocy.

“As pathetic and weird it is that people think and speak like this, the public is ultimately better off as a whole knowing that there are in fact millions more dangerous morons out there than was ever considered possible.”

When asked to respond, the millions of freshly discovered morons looked at each other in confusion for several hours.

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