Tabloid football journalist delighted to discover easiest story also most sensationalist 

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Rejoicing at the manner in which everything had worked itself out, a football journalist for The Sun today expressed his delight at discovering the easiest story on his list of options was also the most sensationalist.

Mulling over a list of stories to undertake for the week ahead, Mark Clemboy admitted he couldn’t believe his luck that the most untrustworthy piece was also the one which would take up the least amount of his time.

“You get easy articles. You get sensationalist ones. To get one that is as easy in its production as it is offensive in its delivery  is just a bullseye,” said the 39-year-old, adding that his long career of lazy and reactionary writing had given him “a great nose” for “lowest denominator grade-A shit”.

“People assume every sensationalist article is easy but often I have to talk to a lot of idiot sources which can be very time-consuming; stupid people are harder to find than you might think. But this drivel should be done in about an hour, max.”

At press time, a nervous Clemboy was reassured by colleagues that it was the “dumbest piece of crap” article they’d read in a long time and “easily” his worst work.