Competition in competitive football slightly overrated, say underperforming elite sides

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“Competition is so rough, surely there’s a more gentlemanly way.” (Photo: Getty Images)

Saying that the realisation had been slowly dawning on them for years, English football’s underperforming elite sides have admitted that they feel that competition in competitive football is slightly overrated.

Speaking after a discussion over the potential viability of a European super league, in which England’s historically “bigger” sides would qualify for European competition regardless of league position, a spokesman said that while competition was once necessary, that really isn’t the case anymore.

“Football is good and has been doing things well for a long time. But the system is so archaic and a little jaded. Competition is also so rough, surely there’s a more gentlemanly way,” said the unnamed spokesperson for England’s top sides, adding that the change of heart had nothing to do with the fact that the country’s traditionally successful teams were struggling on a level not seen for decades.

“Competition has been tried and tested. Yes, it worked for all of us for a while but there comes a time when you have to look at doing things in a better manner. It’s called progress.”

At press time, the group sought to reassure disgruntled fans of smaller clubs, insisting that they too could avail of the new system providing they have decades of on-pitch and financial success behind them.

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