Meek, charmless and unathletic man really identifies with Conor McGregor


Describing it as inspirational to have someone so similar to himself excelling on the world stage, meek, charmless and unathletic MMA fan Craig Malcolm today revealed that he really identifies with Conor McGregor.

Speaking ahead of the Dubliner’s fight against Nate Diaz at UFC 196, the 23-year-old tourism and leisure student who fears public speaking and has failed at each sporting endeavour he’s ever attempted revealed that he could really empathise with everything about the brash and explosive martial artist.

“Honestly, it’s just great to see someone I can identify with do so well. We’re cut from the same cloth,” said the doughy man whose last piece of exercise involved painfully dragging his body to catch a bus and who has been described by acquaintances as “uniquely boring”.

“I mean, he’s Irish and I’m Irish. Every time I see him up there, I’m reminded that perhaps there is a place in the world for guys like me. It’s like we’re kindred spirits.”

At press time, Malcolm revealed that he was planning on getting a similar tattoo to McGregor as soon as he summoned up the courage to take off his t-shirt in front of another human being.

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